River of Life

the little girl in me

Preface: the formative years

Curious. That’s a term that could describe almost every kind of child as their thoughts and experiences are forming. A curious kid who has several thoughts about the world and about what could be for her future. As a result, that curious child liked to dream and loved to be outside staring at the sky or running around in the woods or just simply hanging out in a tree.  The freedom and openness that that brought to that and most children was expansive.  Consequently, this is part of every human’s radiant true nature in which the essence of every being is spacious openness. 

Curiously, people resist the noble aspects of their shadow more strenuously than they hide the dark sides…. It is more disrupting to find that you have a profound nobility of character than to find out you are a bum.

~Robert Johnson


This curiosity was a blessing for this little girl until she realized it’s also a curse.  The next part of those very early years started to slowly cover up that innate nature. This little girl wanted to know why things were the way they were.

The first time she asked her mother why she wasn’t like her friend’s mom, she realized that that was BIG No-No. Saying that she got “in trouble” for this was a gross an understatement. She got the wrath of her mother and consequently realized that not only was she different then her friend’s mom, but she was also one the little girl started to have to hide from. The curiosity that was so precious in the little girl’s formative years since being out of the womb then bit her in the ass. Therefore; no longer was curiosity, exploring the world or being creative and questioning okay. No longer was she able to be her natural and authentic self.

Instead she learned to cope, to hide, to deny herself, to feel shame, to expect the unexpected and walk on egg-shells while other little girls thrived in the love and support of their mothers. This then shaped how that little girl showed up in the world from then on, certainly trying to please her mother only to find that nothing was ever right. (Read Daughters of Narcissistic Moms) She was always wrong no matter how perfect she tried to be. The little girl was slowly growing through those years by living in uncertainly each and every day.

The little girl was not safe at home

Escaping at any time was the only relief. So, this escaping happened in many ways and forms. In the physical and most straight-forward form, one of the only places that she felt normal was when she was by a body of water or in nature. Unfortunately, she realized that that was always short-lived and she had to go home at some point. Because going home was not “home” at all, it was more of a hell. Coping skills became dangerous and always unfulfilling. This led to so much darkness and so much confusion in those early years.  Again, the future was uncertain, as was the present, and as was the past.

O Nobly Born, O you of glorious origins, remember your radiant true nature, the essence of mind. Trust it. Return to it. It is home.

~ Tibetan Book of the Dead

This is the calling that whispered in her ear for years, until one day she decided to finally listen.

If you know how to go back to her and listen carefully every day for a few minutes, healing will take place. When you climb a beautiful mountain, invite your child within to climb with you. Similarly, when you contemplate the sunset, invite her to enjoy it with you.

~ Thich Nhat Hanh

This is just a small snippet in a series of several stories in my life.  Call it the “preface” so to speak.  I hope you stick with me through the journey of uncovering the many dips ad turns in my river of life. 

I will be sharing more through several blog posts, as well as providing a series of webinars that can be used to successfully find YOUR way back to YOUR original, radiant true nature. 

If you have any questions or simply want to follow along, please find me on Facebook, or leave a comment below.

Much love, Maggie

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