To my husband,
I see you trying. I know you feel helpless when you see me struggling. You want to help, but every time you do, it just seems like it’s not right. I love you for wanting to help, and I apologize for not clearly telling you what I need.
I know that it is hard for you to understand what I do or what I need. I want you to help, but sometimes, I really just don’t know what I need. Other times, I just don’t have it in me to tell you what I need or how you can help.
I know you give; your time, your energy and most importantly, your love. I give too. I give everything I have and sometimes, I forget to give to me.
Here is a list of ideas that may help you to help me and in-turn – help us.
- Try to understand what I do in a day. I have a huge list of responsibilities and that list far outweighs the time or energy I have in a day. Ask me what’s on my to-do list, take one or two off my plate.
- Please don’t wait until I explode to help. Help me every day. It’s the little things you take off my list that mean the most to me.
- Be an active participant. There are 2 of us in this marriage, raising these children & paying these bills. Please be fully involved in all of it. Don’t ask me what the kids are up to, ask them. Don’t wait for me to arrange family gatherings, do it yourself. Clean the toilet, bathe the kids, do the dishes.
- Don’t try to solve my problems. When I tell you about something that bothers me, don’t tell me how to fix it. Listen to me, empathize with me, understand me. Ask questions, be supportive. If I need you to problem-solve this with me, I will ask you to.
- Wrap your arms around me. You are my safe place. The only place I can leave my world, worries, frustrations & anxieties behind and just be. I need you to hold me, for as long as it takes. Allow me to hear the beat of your heart; the heart that keeps me grounded and reminds me that I am capable.
- Just listen. Sometimes, I need to talk, and it may take a while. Just listen. Allow me to vent, to get everything out. No words, just listen.
- Be my partner. In every aspect of life. Help me carry my burdens, allow me to cry, support me. I need you to be my confidant, my lover, my friend. I need you to need me, to want me, to believe in me.
- Be my biggest fan. Encourage me to be all that I can be. Support me to love me as much as you do. Remind me of why you chose me.
- Give me time. I need a day to be me. Not a wife, not a mom, daughter, sister, friend; just me. I need a full day, every once in a while to just do what I want or need to do. We call this self-care, and it is crucial to our success.
- Be useful. Develop the skill of looking around for things that need to be done. Prep & cook a meal, fold the laundry, sweep a floor, plan a date night.
- Grow with me. I am on a journey of self-discovery and I am growing into the person I need to be. Grow with me. Allow me to teach you to be self-aware. We will either grow together or grow apart. Please grow with me.
- Just ask. If you are ever in doubt, just ask me what you can do to help. Recognize that I need something before I do. This is the greatest gift you will ever give!!!
I love you
I truly love you for loving me. I am so grateful everyday that you chose me. This list will help me create space to love you the way you deserve to be loved. I need you to want to do this with me.
Your adoring & grateful wife.
PS: you may also find this helpful.
Change Your Life Today!!
Expect Miracles, Andrea
About the Author
Andrea is a Relationship Coach who has a unique ability to help couples translate their needs or frustrations into language the other understands. She has used this gift to assist many couples to improve their relationship.