Hi, my name is Andrea Scarborough.
I am a Mom, wife, daughter-in-law, sister, friend. I have been on this planet for 48 years, and it’s been quite the journey. My childhood was riddled with strife, fear, anxiety & pain. This continued into my adult years until, ever so slowly, I began to seek change. Let me back up and explain a little more.
At 6 months old, my mother passed away. She had a massive heart-attack while feeding me a bottle at the kitchen table. She fell to the floor on top of me. My sister (almost 2 years old) pulled me out, saving my life. This left 4 girls (aged 6mos, 2 yrs, 12 yrs & 13 yrs) to fend for ourselves during one of the harshest Canadian winters on record. From December to March, we were on the streets, with our older sisters stealing from variety stores just to feed us. In March, we were rescued by Children’s Aid & placed up for adoption. My 2-year-old sister and I were adopted into the same family, while our older sisters remained in care until they aged out.
We were adopted by a woman who had no business being a mother. She was cold, heartless and manipulative. We were raised to not be seen or heard. We were little show pieces for her, always dressed in our best when out in public. One miss-step resulted in brutal beatings and days of neglect. Our adopted father was a very sweet man and we would spend as much time with him as possible. He was unable to calm the wrath of our mother because he was as much as victim as we were.
At age 14, while camping with the family (dad stayed home to work on the farm) I was sent to take out the trash after supper one night. Somewhere near the garbage cans, I was attacked, dragged off to the sand dunes and raped multiple times by 4 men who appeared to be in their late teens. When they were finished with me, they got up and walked away. I found what was left of my clothes and struggled to find my way back to camp. When I arrived, my mother yelled at me for not obeying her instructions to return immediately. I was grounded for the rest of the summer. I never spoke a word of my attack for another 20 years.
The abuse from her continued until I was 17 when I had had enough. My sister & I packed up our things & left.
From an abusive childhood, straight into an abusive marriage. I was married at the age of 20, a Mom at 21 and divorced at 22. That was a whirl-wind tour. Physical, emotional & financial abuse were the foundation of this marriage. I knew I couldn’t raise my daughter in this environment, so I left.
I ran straight into the arms of a narcissist. In the beginning, he said and did all the things I dreamed of. He built up my self-esteem, he showered me with praise, he protected me from my ex-husband. He was a dream come true, until he became my worst nightmare. With him, I had a second daughter. Over time, the praise turned into degrading comments, hints & suggestions of my inadequacy. I spent 11 years believing this because he was saying everything I had heard as a child. It was all true. I should be grateful that he loves me, because as he & my mother pointed out, “no-one will ever love me”. Once he introduced cocaine & hookers into our relationship, this was where I drew the line. It was over. He needed to leave.
Tragedy struck when my oldest daughter became deathly ill at the age of 14. She was diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism (blood clots in her lungs). They were able to reduce the size of the clots, but they remain there today. Should one of those clots ever decide to move, it will go to her heart or her brain and result in instant death. (We have lived with this for 13 years now). Tragedy struck again when she was 17 and involved in a serious single vehicle roll-over. This left her with an Acquired Brain Injury and again, we had to adapt to our new life. She has had a series of brain injuries since that have altered her personality, level of functioning and anxiety.
Following the first illness, my youngest daughter began to show signs of mental illness. She engaged in self-harm and spoke of suicide. We struggled to find her the help she needed in a very broken system. For about 10 years, I spent everyday fighting to keep both my children this side of the grass. I was in survival mode and a constant state of urgency.
The third relationship was the worst. An old high school friend. I’m still not sure why I dealt with his crap, but I was a little quicker this time and it only lasted about a year.
That was it. Three strikes and you’re out. I was determined to spend the rest of my life alone, raising my girls to be the best they could be.
I began to search for answers. I had questions. I reviewed my past and knew several people who had been through similar situations and for one reason or another, had not survived. Why was I still here? I will admit, that at times it was not by choice. I had considered suicide numerous times from the age of 14, but there was always something stopping me. Why was I here? Did I actually have a purpose? Was there a reason for all the pain & suffering? “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” were words that repeated in my head. So many situations that should have killed me, didn’t. Why? I had cheated death at 6 months old? Who does that? I was brutally raped at 14, kept that secret and continued life as if it never happened. Who does that? I was told for years that I was a waste of energy, and yet I carried on. Why? Why didn’t I just believe everything that was said to me and about me? Why didn’t I have the strength to end it like they all said I should?
I looked at my daughters; beautiful, brilliant and full of life. Without me, they wouldn’t be here. Without me, their lives would be filled with the same unanswered questions. I had to resolve this for them. But how, where do I start?
I began by living life on my terms. I decided my own expectations. I chose my own path. I made the rules and I lived by them. With time, some of my questions drifted away, while others were answered. Slowly, I learned my value. I learned that I had a voice. I learned that my experiences could help those around me. I learned, slowly, I learned.
My greatest lesson came in the form of a dear, old friend who stopped by occasionally to help with things around the house. One day, before he left, he kissed me, and my life changed forever. With this man by my side, I was able to be exactly who I was designed to be. I learned that the messages I had received in the past were messages from people who projected their own insecurities onto me. I learned that I have the power to effectively change the lives of those around me. I learned that my past was not my fault, and my future was my responsibility. I had an obligation to serve people, to inspire happiness, greatness and authenticity.
Today, my family is happy, healthy and strong. I learned to take care of me and my children learned by watching. My own self-care was the catalyst for their own journeys of self-awareness.
I am very proud of the life I have lived. There are several pieces that I would not have chosen, but I am grateful for every single event. Each time life presented me with a challenge, I rose, I fought, I learned, I struggled, I persevered, I survived.
I will help you,
I am not talking years of therapy, laying on a couch, sharing stories of torment and ridicule. I am talking about an effective, efficient 6-week program!!
That's it!! 6-weeks!! We will explore those inherited family dynamics, the unexplained behaviours in your children & the arguments you are having with those closest to you!! All of these stem from the inherited beliefs. We will work to reframe those beliefs. We will create an authentic profile of the person you are intended to be, not the one you are currently hiding behind!
We will explore your dreams, your goals and all those times you were belittled for those dreams. We will dig deep to uncover your true self, your passions, your beliefs. We will empower the force that drives you! We will create a plan to move you forward, get unstuck and through this, you will bring your children along for the journey!! Through this, you will learn to empower your children to become authentic.
Through this, you will #EndTheCycle and create a lasting legacy for you, your children and everyone around you!!
You can't wait another day!! Stop wasting time, trapped by the expectations of others!! Find your passion, find your calling, find yourself!!!
How can I help you?
Let's get started!
Contact me to get started TODAY!