This Blog Series ” How to Not Raise Self-entitled Children” is focusing on reducing self-entitlement. If you haven’t already, please find the first in the series here.
In the first posts we discussed the importance of the family working together to maintain the home. By everyone pitching in to do the their part, we have reduced the strain on the Parents to do it all, taught our children valuable skills to ensure their survival in the real world and begun to insert some of the Essential Life Skills that are so import to their individual success.
“It is not our job to fix our children, it is our job to teach our children how to fix themselves.”
- Interpersonal relationships are not developed by chatting with people on line through video games or messaging. This is real, face-to-face, human interaction. The opportunity to look another person in the eye & understand their point of view. The greatest lessons come from our elders who have lived, lost & learned. Grandparents, neighbours all have a story to tell. Encourage your child to listen.
- Communication is the greatest tool we have as humans. We have the ability to express our thoughts, concerns & opinions. This is what sets us apart from the animal kingdom. Encourage your child to speak with respect & compassion. Encourage them to listen to understand & not listen to respond. If you are able to do this with them, they will learn how to do it in their own lives.
- Problem-Solving is a really tough one for parents. We don’t want our children to fall, but it is necessary. Our children need to learn to resolve their own issues. Helping them talk through problems, exploring different options, choosing the appropriate action & then assessing the outcome will go a long way to reducing the number of problems your child encounters.
- Critical-Thinking is key. This is the lessons we have learned from past mistakes that we have problem-solved and applying this information to current & future situations. “Last time I went out in the rain, I didn’t take an umbrella & I was sick for a week. Today, I will take an umbrella.“
- Imagination / Creativity is how we develop a strong sense of self. This is where we learn what we like, what we don’t like, our strengths, weakness and our passion. Help your child to explore a variety of outlets to find whatever it is that will light their flame!
- Connectedness; true, honest & deep connections are what keep us grounded. Humans were designed to live in communities and having a strong connection to this community will keep you safe from harm. “You have to stand for something, or you’ll fall for anything“. Teaching your child to stand with a group of individuals who are searching for a similar outcome, will prevent them from being recruited by negativity. Help your child to surround themselves with positive, supportive, like-minded people who will nurture their sense of self.
- Sense of self is knowing who you are and firmly believing in that person. When a child has the freedom to explore their likes/dislikes and effectively communicate that, we are encouraging their individuality. We may not like everything they do, but as long as it isn’t illegal, immoral or fattening, give it your blessing.
- Natural Consequences are a must for our future adults. Imagine if we have world leaders who did not understand the value of natural consequences. Leaders who believed they could do, say & act anyway those chose, regardless of how it affected those around them. It would be a truly sad planet. “You are free to make your own choices, but you are not free from the consequences of those choices.” Hold you children accountable to their indiscretions. Be sure they know that every decision they make has an effect on someone else.
- Emotional Regulation is the ability to self-sooth, calm strong emotions and release negative energy. Help your child to understand the array of complex emotions that we all have. Use feeling words while talking to your child. “That must have been frustrating” or “That’s really sad, I’m sorry to hear that.” By inserting the proper emotions, children can then begin to process the situation.
- Patience is the ability to understand that good things come to those that wait. By not giving your child everything they seem to want right now, you are instilling an understanding that one must work to earn privileges. This is where their work ethic will be taught.
There is a very simple & effective way to teach your children everything they need to know about Basic & Essential Life skills & I will talk about that in my next post.
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