Four Steps to Building Your Life on Your Terms

Building your life doesn’t have to be a long, drawn-out, complicated process. It’s very similar to building a home; the same elements are required.

Building Your Life on Your Terms

To build a home, you start with a solid foundation, then you add a frame or structure, clad the exterior & add a roof and the final step is decorating. It is really that simple, but how does that apply to building your own life? Follow along and I will explain it all!

Foundation

Everything stable starts with a solid foundation. This foundation includes your Core Beliefs, your Values and the expectations you have for yourself.

Most of us grow up with expectations set out for us. Rules that others (usually parents) have created.

  • You need to focus on an education
  • You need to get a job
  • You need to “suck it up”
  • You need to follow family traditions (join the military, work in the family business, have a large family, etc…)
  • You need to make others happy first.

The list of “you need” is endless, exhausting and anxiety inducing. If there is anything on this list that doesn’t truly feed your soul, you will get anxious when trying to complete this task. We all know the signs & symptoms of anxiety. Over time, anxiety spreads like a virus and eventually, every task becomes overwhelming.

This anxiety is a very clear sign that you are trying to live someone else’s life. You are not living the life you were designed to live.

Creating a clear vision of who you are is the first step to reducing your anxiety. Your life has taught you a very unique set of skills and created a deeper level of understanding. This wisdom is where you begin to discover your Core Values. Follow this link to get started on your Core Values right now, but be sure to come back here to finish building your life.

Structure

Now that we have started to secure our foundation, we should start to think about the structure that is going to hold everything together.

A house in it’s simplest form has 4 walls. These are the exterior walls and all the good stuff happens inside them. So let’s create 4 Goals that will helps us map out a successful first year in your new home.

Goals are such an interesting concept. Everybody talks about goals, but have you ever learned how to actually create goals that are achievable?

There are several steps to creating attainable goals:

  • Know your goal & be specific. What are you hoping to achieve?
  • What do you need to HAVE to achieve the goal? Money, passport, education, support?
  • What do you need to DO to achieve this goal? Alter your diet, create a resume, apply to school, join a group or team?
  • Who will help you achieve your goal? Family, friend, co-worker, professional?
  • How will you know that you have achieved your goal? How will you feel, what will you have, what will you know?
  • What are the tiny little steps you need to complete everyday to get you closer to your goal?

Who will help you achieve your goal?

This is mapping out your goal. Be very specific. Create 4 Goals that can be achieved in 1 year.

  • Personal – this is almost like a “Bucket List”. Think of something you have always wanted to do? What can you check off your Bucket List this year? Travel, learn a skill, join a group or team?
  • Professional – How will you advance or change your career in 1 year? Do you need to upgrade your education, take a course, gain a certification, upgrade your resume, or switch companies?
  • Health – how can you improve your health in 1 year? Break a habit (smoking, drinking), join a gym, change your diet, seek support?
  • Financial – how will you change your current financial situation in 1 year? Earn more money, save money, downsize, break a habit?

Our Team is available to help you understand what you want to achieve and create a detailed map to ensure your success.

Protection from the Elements

What good is a house, if it doesn’t protect you from rain, snow cold or heat? A house is clad with wood or bricks, has windows, doors and a leak-proof roof. All of these elements work simultaneously to shelter you from the harmful effects that Mother Nature has been known to throw at you.

So what protects you from potential threats of harm as you travel through life? Our greatest defence against the harmful effects of life is relationships. Solid, loving, supportive & nurturing relationships. Surrounding yourself with the right people.

As humans, we were designed to live in colonies or communities. These communities are supposed to protect us from harm. I will be the first to admit that not all colonies offer effective defence against the trials of life, but it is possible to create your circle of care.

Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something; they’re trying to find someone who will make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place to give, not a place to receive.

Tony Robbins

So, what do you have to offer in a relationship? Before entering (or exiting) a relationship we should probably do a little self-analysis.

  • Are you looking for someone who can fill a void? Someone who will make you happy?
  • Are you looking for stability?
  • Are you looking for financial security?
  • Are you looking for a co-parent your children?

Do you have your basic needs met?

  • Do you have safe shelter, enough sleep, clothing & food?
  • Do you have a sense of safety, security & protection?
  • Do you have people who love you & accept you just as you are?
  • Do you love, accept and truly appreciate who you are?
  • Do you have the means for self-growth, development & change?

If you answered YES to all of the above questions, then you are ready for a happy, healthy relationship. If you got stuck on one or more, then you should probably work on YOU before you try to explore a relationship.

Reach out for support, if you feel you need to enhance any of the 5 areas of your life.

Moving In

Now that you have built a solid foundation, created structure and built your means of protection, it’s time to finally move in!!

Throughout this process, you should have gained a clearer understanding of who you are, what you want, what you need and who will support you. Let’s put all of this together and create a very powerful, profoundly honest Mission Statement.

This statement is like a shingle you hang on your front door, an indication of what visitor can expect when they walk inside.

Your statement looks like this:

I see, feel, hear & know that I am __________ because I ______________________!


In the first blank space goes an adjective that best describes who you are. Go back to your Core Values and pick 1 that truly resonates with you. The second blank space is how you know this is true. You have survived, persevered, helped others, fought for change, inspired action. Whatever you have accomplished in your life, is now the theme for who you are today!!

That’s it. Short, sweet & to the point. We have cleared out all the other stuff that bogs you down and discourages your progress.

Build a foundation, add some structure, re-enforce with protection and decorate. Your Life on Your Terms!

Please click on EVENTS for more information

We know that sometimes you need a little support or guidance to work through tasks such as this. We have put all of this into a 1 day workshop that is powerful & life altering!! Please click on EVENTS for a workshop near you.

How to Eliminate Anxiety

Anxiety ranges from racing thoughts to racing heart beats. The “what if” thoughts swirl in your head, each one creating more chaos than the last. Your chest tightens, it’s difficult to breathe, you can’t sleep and your heart feels like it wants to run away. These anxiety attacks can last a few minutes or days. Some people can still function through, while others require professional interventions such as medications, counseling or hospitalization.

IF you require professional support to manage your anxiety, please speak with them before trying anything new, like the tips I have for you today.

You can be controlled by anxiety, or you can control your anxiety.

My Story

I struggled with anxiety for years. The horrible racing thoughts, my heart beating out of my chest and paralyzing fear that would stop me dead in my tracks. I have been rushed to the hospital countless times for an irregular heart beat, sudden asthma attacks and even possible cardiac events. This was all before the age of 35. Each time I went, we only talked about the presenting symptoms, never the whole picture. Therefore, I was put on medications to maintain my heart rhythm, given puffer for my asthma & assigned a cardiologist. But it wasn’t A-Fib, asthma or anything else – it was anxiety. I was terrified of life. Terrified that I would never be good enough. Terrified of making the wrong choice. Terrified of screwing it all up.

I am not that person any more. Today, I am excited about life. I live my life on purpose and with only the best of intentions, and you can too.

We get anxious or stressed when we overestimate the situation, and underestimate our ability to deal with it.

9 Tips to Help with Anxiety

  1. Set your own expectations. When you are desperately trying to measure up to someone else’s expectations, you will fail every time.
  2. Get to know YOU. What do you like/dislike? What brings you joy? What are you good at?
  3. Find your tools. There are several tools out there to help you reduce an anxiety attack when it happens. Find the tools that work for you. (I can help you find tools)
  4. Insert reality. You have been here before and you survived. You have proven that you have the ability to handle this.
  5. Just breathe. Really learn to breathe, with purpose, intention and love. Focus on your breath, in & out, nice & slow.
  6. Find your tribe. Surround yourself with people who lift you up. Inspire you. Challenge you to be/do more.
  7. Social cleanse. Reduce the time you spend with people who bring you down, stress you out.
  8. Get connected. Find a class, group or organization that feeds your passion. Join a team and get active!
  9. Find your purpose. We are all here for a reason. You have survived unspeakable events because of your strength, resilience & determination. How will you pay that forward to those that need your help?

Your Life on Your Terms

All of the tips listed above, have 1 thing in common – this is your life; you make the rules, you decide who to share it with, you create your story. You have the power to completely alter the direction of your life, if you want to. You can be controlled by anxiety, or you can choose to control it. You can be controlled by others, or you can choose to control yourself. You can choose. It’s entirely up to you.

You have been through a lot in your life time, I know. You see, these events didn’t happen TO you, they happened FOR you. Each event taught you something new about yourself. You have a very unique set of skills, knowledge, understanding & wisdom. No one else on the planet has everything you do. Take sometime to understand the lessons your life has taught you, then find a way to share this wisdom with those who need you.

Eliminating Anxiety

Time & Patience

It takes time but with patience & understanding you can learn to strengthen your resilience. You will learn that stress is a primal instinct designed for our survival, but it doesn’t have to define who we are & what we are capable of.

There are workshops & events all over the country that will help you gain the tools, build your tribe & increase your power. Make the investment in YOU – because you are worth it!!!

Design Your Life on Your Terms

This event will teach you how to truly appreciate everything you have been through, what it has taught you and how to use that information to Design Your Life on Your Terms. I truly hope you will join us!!!

You can purchase your ticket here.

Andrea Scarborough – Your Life on Your Terms

Core Values

Core Values

Core Values are a person’s principles or standards of behavior; their judgment of what is important in life.

What are your Core Values? How do you figure out what your Core Values are? Why would you even waste your time trying to figure them out?

What are your Core Values? How do you figure out what your Core Values are? Why would you even waste your time trying to figure them out?

You have to stand for something, or you’ll fall for anything.

~unknown

Those that stand for something, have a level of expectation for themselves and those around them. They believe in things like self-respect, honesty, accountability and compassion, to name a few. Having these beliefs allows you to behave in a way that aligns with them and also practise safe personal boundaries,  choose friends that will inspire and encourage you to be the best you can be.

Those that do not understand their Core Values will fall for anything. Lack of respect for themselves, or others usually results in feeling as though they are a victim because they lack accountability for their actions. They choose the easy, fun friends and skip class, break curfew, miss assignments at school, and feel that life is and always will be a struggle.

Definition
Common Core Values

If your life is a struggle, maybe you need to re-evaluate your what’s truly important. Life presents you with challenges, or life lessons. Some of these lessons are difficult and some of them hurt. But, if you take the time to understand your Core Values, these struggles will start to appear not as struggles, but as lessons. You will begin to learn from them, see where you can make improvements, and slowly step forward.

Core Values are quite simple.

Choose the 10 most important Core Values, from the list below:

  1. Acceptance: to be open to and accepting of myself, others, life, etc.
  2. Adventure: to be adventurous; to actively seek, create, or explore novel or stimulating experiences
  3. Agency: to choose how I live and behave and help others do likewise; to be self-supportive and choose my own way of doing things.
  4. Assertiveness: to respectfully stand up for my rights and request what I want
  5. Authenticity: to be authentic, genuine, and real; to be true to myself
  6. Beauty: to appreciate, create, nurture, or cultivate beauty in myself, others, the environment, etc.
  7. Caring: to be caring toward myself, others, the environment, etc.
  8. Challenge: to keep challenging myself to grow, learn, and improve
  9. Compassion: to act with kindness toward those who are suffering
  10. Conformity: to be respectful and obedient of rules and obligations
  11. Connection: to engage fully in whatever I am doing, and be fully present with others
  12. Contribution: to contribute, help, assist, or make a positive difference to myself or others
  13. Cooperation: to be cooperative and collaborative with others
  14. Courage: to be courageous or brave; to persist in the face of fear, threat, or difficulty
  15. Creativity: to be creative or innovative
  16. Curiosity: to be curious, open-minded, and interested; to explore and discover
  17. Encouragement: to encourage and reward behavior that I value in myself or others
  18. Equality: to treat others as equal to myself, and vice versa
  19. Excitement: to seek, create, and engage in activities that are exciting, stimulating, or thrilling
  20. Fairness: to be fair to myself or others
  21. Fitness: to maintain or improve my fitness; to look after my physical and mental health and well-being
  22. Flexibility: to adjust and adapt readily to changing circumstances
  23. Forgiveness: to be forgiving toward myself or others
  24. Freedom: to live freely; to choose how I live and behave, or help others do likewise
  25. Friendliness: to be friendly, companionable, or agreeable toward others
  26. Fun: to be fun-loving; to seek, create, and engage in fun-filled activities
  27. Generosity: to be generous, sharing, and giving, to myself or others
  28. Gratitude: to be grateful for and appreciative of the positive aspects of myself, others, and life
  29. Honesty: to be honest, truthful, and sincere with myself and others
  30. Humility: to be humble or modest; to let my achievements speak for themselves
  31. Humor: to see and appreciate the humorous side of life
  32. Impact: to exert myself into the universe in a way I believe is important. I work for what I want, not what others want from me.
  33. Independence: to be self-supportive, and choose my own way of doing things
  34. Industry: to be industrious, hard-working, and dedicated
  35. Intimacy: to open up, reveal, and share myself — emotionally or physically — in my close personal relationships
  36. Justice: to uphold justice and fairness
  37. Kindness: to be kind, compassionate, considerate, nurturing, or caring toward myself or others
  38. Love: to act lovingly or affectionately toward myself or others
  39. Mindfulness: to be conscious of, open to, and curious about my here-and-now experience
  40. Open-mindedness: to think things through, see things from others’ points of view, and weigh evidence fairly
  41. Order: to be orderly and organized
  42. Patience: to wait calmly for what I want
  43. Persistence: to continue resolutely, despite problems or difficulties
  44. Pleasure: to create and give pleasure to myself or others
  45. Power: to strongly influence or wield authority over others, e.g., taking charge, leading, organizing
  46. Reciprocity: to build relationships in which there is a fair balance of giving and taking
  47. Respect: to be respectful toward myself or others; to be polite, be considerate, and show positive regard
  48. Responsibility: to be responsible and accountable for my actions
  49. Romance: to be romantic; to display and express love or strong affection
  50. Safety: to secure, protect, or ensure safety of myself or others
  51. Self-awareness: to be aware of my own thoughts, feelings, and actions
  52. Self-care: to look after my health and well-being, and get my needs met
  53. Self-control: to act in accordance with my own ideals
  54. Self-development: to keep growing, advancing, or improving in knowledge, skills, character, or life experience.
  55. Sensuality: to create, explore, and enjoy experiences that stimulate the five senses
  56. Sexuality: to explore or express my sexuality
  57. Skillfulness: to continually practice and improve my skills, and apply myself fully when using them
  58. Soul in the Game: I believe it is an ethical concern that I put my money and time where my mouth is, that I have no divorce between what I preach and my lifestyle. I believe the highest form of ethics is to take on risk for others.
  59. Spirituality: to connect with things bigger than myself
  60. Supportiveness: to be supportive, helpful, encouraging, and available to myself or others
  61. Trust: to be trustworthy; to be loyal, faithful, sincere, and reliable
  62. Insert your own value here.

Note: This list was originally sourced from thehappinesstrap.com

Once you have your top 10, use those words to create your own standard of personal ethics, or rules to live by.

Live Your Life on Your Terms

Some mental health issues are a result of trying to live your life by the expectations others have set for you.  By creating your own list of Core Values, you are learning to set your own expectations and create a life you are fully free to live in.  Setting your own standards will reduce anxiety, depression & stress.

What to do with your Core Values

Your new list of Core Values are a list of your rules to live by.

  • Print & post your Values in a place where you will be reminded daily.
  • Refer to your list during times of stress, overwhelm, anxiety or depression.
  • Apply your values to situations you encounter:

Someone at work has spoken about you behind your back.  Usually this would stress you out, anger you or cause you to spiral inwards.  Apply your Core Values:

Acceptance – understand that this person also has a story of grief or shame & is unable to fully accept their own issues.

Forgiveness – forgive the gossip because you are aware of the truth.

Kindness – perhaps this person truly needs a friend

Be Patient

Like anything new, living your life by your own expectations is a little scary and foreign.  It will take time to fully integrate this new practice into your daily life.

If you are struggling with one or more of your values, consider reviewing your list and making some changes.  This is your life & these are your rules; you can rewrite them as often as you need to ensure it reflects exactly who you wish to be.

What’s next?

Congratulations on wanting to create a life on your terms!!  I know (from personal experience) that starting this new chapter can be daunting.  Here are a few additional resources to ensure your success:

  • Journaling – learn to journal your thoughts & life’s events to help you process the information in line with your new Core Values.
  • Teach my Children – teaching your children to set their own core values will go along way to reducing bullying, ensuring future success as well as incorporating valuable coping skills.
  • I need help! – Schedule a very powerful 1 hour chat to discover your authentic self!!  Answer 12 simple questions & experience a life-altering session that will help you uncover your truest self!!
  • I don’t know where to start – choose from a variety of services to help you get started.
  • Find a Tribe of Women on a Mission – Join a group of women on this journey who will support, encourage & empower you to explore the best version of YOU!

I sincerely hope you found value in reading this post.  Please leave a comment below of you Care Values.  We’d love to hear how this helped you.

We wish you success on your new journey.  Please let us know if we can help in any way.  <3

Your Life on Your Terms

Boredom is actually good for your kids!

Boredom is good!! 

Boredom teaches some of the most valuable skills we will ever use In life. Parents are afraid of letting their kids be bored.  But why?  Why the need to have them occupied every minute of every day?

“Mommy, I’m bored.”

When I was a kid, those were 3 words that never fell out of our mouths.  Mom’s response was usually to occupy us with some horrible chore, scrubbing the bathroom floor, cleaning out the cupboards or weeding flower beds.   We very quickly learned that it was going to be much more fun to occupy ourselves.  We climbed trees, invented imaginary friends, played with real friends, rode our bikes and usually got quite dirty.  BUT, we weren’t scrubbing floors.

I always thought it was horrible of my mother to expect us to do such horrible tasks when we were so little.  I vowed that I would never ask my kids to do such terrible things.

Then I became a Mom and I heard “Mom, I’m bored”.  I think it was the only thing my kids knew how to say.  It was their go to response for everything!  Suddenly, I hear myself saying, “Go find something to do, or I will find you something to do”, and they were off like a shot and I had become my mother…

Here’s the thing about boredom;

Boredom teaches us amazing things.

  • Problem-solving skills – I needed to NOT scrub floors, so I solved that problem by climbing trees.
  • Self-awareness – when I was little, scrubbing floors reminded me of Cinderella.  I knew we did not live in a land of magical Princes and I was not going to be rescued, so I was not going to start a life of scrubbing floors.
  • Decision-making Skills – I didn’t like the choices my mother had for me, so I decided to make some choices for myself.
  • Creative Thinking – My sister & I built forts, climbed trees, and pretended we had lovely little prefect lives.  We had careers, husbands, and mansions in the trees.  We were creative and we had huge, endless imaginations when we were little, that guided us through the rest of our lives.

Smart Phones

Addicition
Find ways to Digitally Detox your home.

Today, kids are glued to some sort of device from a very early age.  I see toddlers playing games of phones while they wait in line at the grocery store.  Electronic games do not allow you to develop these skills as effectively.  There is always a button that gives you further instruction.  They enter an imaginary world that is completely designed for them, they don’t get to make any choices or creatively influence the story.  They just follow along like little sheep.  There are several games that promote creativity, problem-solving or decision-making, but they are not designed for real world issues.  My sister & I created our imaginary world from the world we actually lived in.  We chose the parts of life we liked and inserted them into our imagination and we corrected the parts we didn’t like.  Skills we still use today.

Guide to Introducing Technology and other handy resources here.

The greatest skills our children are lacking:

  • Interpersonal Relationships – When my sister & I fought (and we fought a lot), we learned quite early that it was best for us to settle our differences, because Mom’s solution was not going to be fun.  So we taught ourselves to compromise, to reason, to be fair and to apologize.
  • Effective Communication – In our tiny little, perfect, imaginary worlds, we still had needs.  There were no adults there (because we didn’t want them), so we had to learn to use our words, to say what we needed, and say it in a way that was polite and respectful.
  • Empathy – One day, when we were in our imaginary world’s, I slipped and fell out of the tree, hitting my head on a rock.  I don’t remember a lot about that, but I do remember watching as my sister suddenly had super-human speed & strength.  She was out of her tree, beside me, helping me up and screaming for Mom or Dad all in the blink of an eye.  She was my Hero that day.  She never left my side, sitting there, right beside me as the doctor stitched my head back together.  She was there holding my hand.  She was there for the next few days as we moved our imaginary worlds a little closer to the ground (problem-solving & creative thinking).  I knew she felt bad, even though none of it was her fault.
  • Managing feelings/Emotions –  I think the worst sin was to swear at either of my parents.  Yes, they made me angry.  The expectation was, that I would use some of my Effective Communication skills to try to manage my anger and respectfully state my case.  I developed quite a skill and still use it today.
  • Dealing with stress – kids have all kinds of stresses in the real world.  We learned to deal with it in our imaginary worlds.

positive parenting
Natural Consequences

I think the most important skill is Critical Thinking.  Critical thinking is what allows us to learn from our mistakes.  Take all of the skills we have learned and apply them to create solutions.  Allowing children to experience Natural Consequences is one of the greatest gifts you can give them.  We have all had that argument about wearing a coat.  Some days you just have to let them figure it out by themselves.   I will write another post about Natural Consequences later (it’s a topic all by itself).

So, in short, unplug your kids.  Let them be bored.  Let them get dirty.  Let them run, play, create, believe, argue, fall and scrape a knee.  Let them be kids, but most importantly; let them learn.

Loads of love

~Andrea