Victim vs. Survivor

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I am not a victim anymore.

I spent the better part of my life as a victim.  A victim of abandonment, bullying, sexual assault, abuse and others opinions of me and as a result,  all this lead to a very negative self-image, low-self-esteem and a belief that this was how it was supposed to be.  It was difficult to see past all the negativity because  I was surrounded by it, I physically experienced it, heard it, and I repeated it in my head.  It seemed as though it was a slow, never-ending journey down a very dark tunnel void of light, hope and love.

The Journey Begins

I am a survivor.
~ Patricia Buckley – I am not a victim.

Years ago, a friend of mine strongly urged me to attend a retreat for Co-dependency and  I’m not sure why I went, but I did.  Thinking back, I wanted to be surrounded by people that would support my role as a victim.  Turns out, I was wrong but I didn’t want to be.  I fought the messages that were offered because proving them wrong was the only way to survive this hell.  “Do you know what has happened to me all my life?  This isn’t my fault!!”  I would demand.

Through guidance, gentle persuasion and unconditional acceptance, I slowly began to change my thinking because  I was not a victim!!  I was a SURVIVOR!  The best part of being a Survivor is that to date – I have a 100% success rate!!!  The abandonment, bullying, sexual assault, abuse and all those harsh criticisms…. didn’t kill me!!  I survived!!

I Survived

The longer I survived, the stronger I became and with strength, came determination.  Determination grew into confidence.  Confidence had a sneaky way of nurturing self-esteem and a desire for more.  Ever so slowly, my thought process began to change and as a result, I began to believe in myself.

I am a survivor.
I survived that which was supposed to kill me.  Survivor!

Over the years, this transformation has had a lovely balance of ebb & flow to it.  A little rhythm that keeps me wanting more.  I still have hurdles, but they are manageable and they are the moments that allow me to reflect on the journey and assess my current situation and ultimately, perhaps choose an alternate path.

Without the hurdles of my past, I would not be the person I am today.  It took a lot of work, and as a result, I can honestly tell you, that I am a survivor and will never be anything less!!

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